An Instrument of Evil

Innocent looking piccolo in its case

As a bagpiper, I know what it is like to play a much-maligned instrument.  Much maligned.  Believe it or not, violists have this same experience.  If you Google “Bagpipe Jokes” and then try “Viola Jokes,” you find pretty much the same material.

But the piccolo?  I always thought of it as part of what’s cool about Stars and Stripes Forever, almost as cool as the trombone part at the end.  (Yes, I play the trombone too. I am as cool as you can be.) As it turns out, not only is the piccolo not cool, it’s dangerous.


The Piccolo Truth According to Craig’s List

Apparently, there are terrible things that you should know about the piccolo. The indented excerpts below are from the actual Craig’s List listing that I saved from obscurity before it was pulled down.  Honest.

4SP Silver Plated Gemienhardt Piccolo w/ hard case – $300 (Kennewick)

They call the trumpet “God’s Instrument.” The instrument that takes a month to learn and a lifetime to master. Forget that. I’m giving you the chance to own “Satan’s Instrument.” The instrument that takes a second to hate and a lifetime to get used to. If your goal is world domination, getting the ball rolling on the apocalypse, or simply disarming someone, this miniature flute of terror will hold the game down. And how.

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