Marketing is a tricky thing. Big companies spend millions of dollars testing and focus-grouping their marketing strategies, or so I believed until I ran across this at the local Megalo-Groceryland:
I promise, this picture is un-retouched.
So let’s review: Old Yeller is a 1957 Disney film about a Boy and his Beloved Dog in which Boy ultimately has to shoot Beloved Dog because he has rabies. Yeah, they just don’t make Boy-And-His-Dog movies like they used to.
So Old Yeller Dog Food got me thinking – If they can successfully name a dog food after a rabid dog with a fatal gunshot wound, anything is possible in the world of marketing. After all, there’s already Amelia Earhart Luggage. Do those bags ever reach their destination?
It’s time for other companies to ditch all the focus-grouping and get down to their own in your face marketing for the 21st Century! To that end, I offer here, free of charge or obligation…
Really Bold Marketing concepts (with a few slogans thrown in)
–The Jack Kevorkian School of Medicine (online fast track available)
–The Ides of March Kitchen Knife Set
–Donner Party Mountain Tours (snacks provided)
–Tsunami Seaside Shanties
–Lizzie Borden Tool Sharpening Kit (Measure once, cut twice)
–The Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey Film Festival
–The Bob Dylan Vocal Academy (Oh the pitch, I am a-changin’)
–Cujo’s Dog Obedience School
–The Burning Bush Center for Atheist Studies
–King Henry XVIII’s Guide to Love and Marriage (If at first you don’t succeed…)
–The Richard Dawkins Prayer Chapel
–Frosted Flakes Weight Loss Program (It’s Grrrrrrreat!)
–How to Win Friends and Influence People in the 21st Century by Bill Maher
–Hindenburg Airlines (With Fantastic Four’s Johnny Flame as a mascot)